If you’re mindful of your health, you’ll know what you had cake last night, and so an apple for dessert will be better today. These might be the thought of a typical person; rational and well-thought out. However, when it comes to relationships, things are not as clearly defined in our minds. It is not as simple as being with people who are not best for us; it goes beyond that. For one, it could be putting up with stone-walling while another, nagging is part of their day.
When most people are in such cases, they typically know they deserve better. If a car accident lawyer Toronto has stopped responding to your calls or emails, you’re likely to fire them and look for someone else. There are standards for professionalism and even our friendships, but for some, the same does not apply. Why is that? Thankfully, science has an answer for us.
We tend to attract people who have the same emotional health as we do. We’ll use the example of two women. There are Flora and Martha. They are both in relatively new relationships, but it is evident that the men they are dating are less than ideal communicators. Flora gets livid and is always complaining to her girlfriend.
On the other hand, Martha gives her boyfriend the infamous “We need to talk” line and proceeds to lay out the ways his lack of communication upsets her. Her ultimatum is he works on it or she leaves. Flora, on the other hand, finds solace in continually venting and being passive-aggressive.
The men in the illustration have an undesirable quality, but the women take different approaches. It is clear that Martha is in a better emotional state than Flora and will not tolerate traits that devalue her desire for honest communication. The degree with which we put up with things is the same that we have when it comes to emotional health. It is therefore likely that if you’re tolerating something you know is wrong, you may be abandoning yourself instead of loving yourself.
What can we do to stop attracting and being with people that treat us in ways that don’t please us? To transition from unhealthy to the whole, you require doing necessary internal work to eliminate all the ways you are abandoning yourself. That means, instead of ignoring, working through shame, resentment, low self-esteem, and other emotions that weigh us down. When you fill yourself with self-love, there are things in others that you’ll become unable to allow into your life. It also means that with the same measure you love yourself is the same you’ll be able to give to others.